Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
