i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
