I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize