are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He passed out mid-signature
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
