they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
