great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
