he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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