well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need water and some morals
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
