when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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