i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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