Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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