So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
