My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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