It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
