when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
