I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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