16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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