can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
