u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
