between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
