Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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