watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
