Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
