4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
