Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
