yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
