I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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