That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
