Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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