Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
