Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
