You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
