bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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