I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize