benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize