I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I touched a dick in church today
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
