How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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