I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
