There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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