moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So much Jack, so little girl.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
