so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
