are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
