sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
