Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
