it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
