Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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