A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
