I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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