good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
