doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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