your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
