she pinky promised me she was 18
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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