we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
