Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
