Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
