im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
