Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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