ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize