There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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