If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize