So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
