Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
