I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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