Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
MIDGETS
????
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
