The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
