So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
