margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
