I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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