She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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